


5 Weapons the Losers Never Fought With and One They Did

by Sharksdontsleep



Category: The Losers (2010), The Losers (Comic), The Losers - All Media Types
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Giant lizards, Knives, Phasers, Sporks, Swords, team fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-05
Updated: 2012-04-05
Packaged: 2017-11-03 02:00:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/375852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sharksdontsleep/pseuds/Sharksdontsleep
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five weapons the Losers never fought with and one they did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	5 Weapons the Losers Never Fought With and One They Did

**Author's Note:**

  * For [puckling](https://archiveofourown.org/users/puckling/gifts).



> Spoilers and violence/language typical for the movie. Movie-canon, mostly. No major character death not shown in the movie/comics. 
> 
> Many thanks to Puckling for the idea and phasers and swords and correcting my errors about MREs.

1\. Knife

Roque hasn’t killed anyone with this particular knife. The point of big, fuck-off knives is just that. They are big, and they make people fuck off. This knife is pressed to the side of their captor’s testicles, right where Roque can almost see the blood pulse through one of the guy’s major arteries.

“Pooch,” Roque says, voice even. “Looks like Nelly’s doing our job for us.”

“Nelly?” the man gulps, and Roque doesn’t even know why he doesn’t have the good sense to shut the fuck up. They never do.

“The little lady making her acquaintance with your ballsack, son,” Roque says, pressing the knife that much further.

Pooch laughs and cuffs their captor to a pipe.

 

2\. Giant Lizard

It’s a quick death, a man’s death, two shots at center body mass and a lucky one to the forehead.

Cougar lies, prone, and even he is mildly surprised to see a fucking Komodo dragon in the middle of some druglord’s overdone palace. It’s definitely a dragon, though. Goes for the guy’s leg, gets a good bite to his guts, and, oh, there’s the viscera.

Jensen rants enough about Animal Planet that Cougar knows this isn’t a kill-strike. No, these beasts like to _linger_.

So he fires three shots. It’s what he does.

 

3\. Epee

“Well, look at that, black guy with a sword. Guess you weren’t expecting that, buddy, were ya?”

Pooch hasn’t held one of these since high school, and he’s a heck of a lot stronger now than he was then, but it doesn’t matter. It's like his arm, an extension of his arm, something sharp and dangerous and _accurate_ in a way that he rarely gets to experience.

“Hey, Cougs, I’m suddenly appreciating what it means to be you all the time,” Pooch says, because if you don’t share your feelings with your bestest sniper, who do you share them with?

Cougar tips his hat. Feelings accomplished.

 

4\. Phaser

Absolutely no one is surprised to find out that Jensen owns a phaser. And not just any phaser, but a Type II handheld circa 2372, like one that O’Brien used to defend DS9 against the Klingons. And no one is surprised to find that it doubles as a laser pointer, though giving Jensen a stage, a PowerPoint, and 20 recruits who look to him for _guidance_ seems like a bad idea in retrospect. But everyone, even Cougar, is surprised that it doubles as a pretty good cutting device on a particularly nasty job where they have to cut themselves out of an elevator as it’s falling.

No one is surprised at Jensen’s mad Spock eyebrow skillz either.

 

5\. Spork

There is no truth to the rumor that Aisha once killed a man by stabbing him in the neck with a spork because he looked at her funny. For one thing, it was a scouting knife-fork-spoon combo, the kind with the corkscrew built in. For another, he was a contact who’d blinked twice while staring at the documents in her hand and not at her tits. Clearly, he was wearing some kind of camera. Clearly, he needed killing. And Aisha lived to serve.

His carotid didn’t spurt like they show in movies, particularly not with the corkscrew embedded in it. Disappointing.

 

6\. His team

Cougar gets his shot off, and then there’s suicide by motorcycle, by airplane, by betrayal. Cougar may have fired the weapon, but that’s incidental, at least according to Clay. Roque put a bullet out there aimed for his own head the minute he walked away from the team, _his team_.

They’re weapons dressed as people. Clay knows this, as he knows that Roque will pull a blade and slice his problems to shreds, one by one; that Cougar will show the mercy of a quick death; that Pooch will damn those who underestimate him; that Jensen will save their asses with grin and an eyebrow and whatever he can build; that Aisha will always always survive. Clay knows these things, as he knows himself. And part of himself just died, bloody, on a tarmac in the cesspit that is Los Angeles.

Cougar may have fired, and Roque may have betrayed, but Clay’s the one who’ll carry it. They’re his team, his to carry, after all.


End file.
